Strange Antique Sex Toys That You Won't Believe Actually Existed
A look at some of the sex toys used by our great grandmothers and great, great grandmothers will leave today’s women aghast. “They really used these things?” they will ask with genuine incredulity.
Indeed, the sex toys of yore are as far removed from today’s wonders as the horse and buggy is to the electric car. Some of them look like they can only produce great pain rather than terrific orgasms.
Where today we have the Sybian, women from the Victorian era made do with the Vigor Horse Action Saddle. The odd contraption could supposedly imitate the trot, canter and gallop of a real horse. Advertisements from the era suggest that the device could completely cure obesity, hysteria and gout.
“Hysteria” of course was only a euphemism for what a sexually aroused woman was feeling. Today, we know it as a state of arousal, or plain old horniness, the best cure of which is a good fuck from a partner, or masturbating with a rabbit vibrator.
Another saddle like device had an image of a woman seemingly moving the seat she was on back and forth with the use of a hand lever. Far less uncomfortable – actually far more pleasurable – would be the use of a dildo to excite her vagina.
Also from that bygone era is the Swift Massage device, with the advertisement showing a “doctor” shoving his hand up a fully dressed woman’s vaginal area.
One of the early vibrators from a little more than a hundred years ago looks more like a battle mace than a sex toy. It resembles a large metal ball with a wooden handle and an electric cord on one end. How a woman can pleasure herself with what looks like an electrified medieval torture device is beyond us. At least our grannies could hit our grandpas on the head with it if they failed to give them the pleasure they deserved.
Another “handheld relaxation gadget” looks like something out of a steampunk novel or movie. This mechanical massager looks like it can castrate a horse with ease. Seeing it, one can only wish that none of his or her great grandmas ever had to be so desperate as to endanger their anatomy with its use.
Today’s Orgasmatron had its counterpart from the early part of the last century that was called the Vitalator. It appears, from all intents, like a heavy portable generator. It must have been just as hard to turn on and use. There are no records of how many women were electrocuted or otherwise injured by the fearsome looking electric machine.
Of more recent vintage, anywhere from 60 to 70 years ago, is a multiple electric vibrator – yes, they were called vibrators back then – which looks like it came straight out of Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory. Two hand grips make the four vibrating discs do their work in unison, says the advertisement for the machine.
Fast forward to today, and boy are we glad that technology has come to our rescue. Today’s vibrators are true pleasure machines, and one hundred years from now our great, great grandkids can look back and say what a grand old time they were having back in 2016.
