Bondage For Beginners: How to Tie Him Down Without Scaring Him Off: A Beginner’s Guide to Bondage
So you want to try bondage. Maybe something’s missing from your missionary. Maybe your Netflix queue confusing Secretariat for Secretary put some new ideas into your head. Hey, we’re not judging. We’re behind you, and we want to help!
Admitting you’re turned on by the idea of trying out bondage techniques might be easy, but actually taking that idea from your brain to the bedroom might seem a bit harder. This could have something to do with the
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Oh my. This certainly isn’t “Secretariat.”[/caption]
misconception that bondage games are just for creepers who drive windowless vans. Not true! Bondage can be a great addition to any sex life, and you don’t have to own a leather wardrobe to enjoy it.
That said, when it comes to introducing bondage to your partner, there’s a right way to go about things and a wrong way. While the right way can open up a whole new world of romping, the wrong way can send your partner running for the hills. Since you’re new here, we’ve decided to point out some common mistakes and set you on the right track.
“Surprise honey, I built us a dungeon!”
What better way to introduce bondage techniques to your partner than to build them a surprise dungeon while they’re away on a business trip? Who wouldn’t love to come home to find the basement converted to a medieval torture chamber? “Is that an authentic iron maiden? Oh honey, you shouldn’t have!”
No really, you shouldn’t have. Let’s back up about 20 steps and start at square one. Before you turn your apartment into the set of a Rihanna video, the first thing you want to do is gauge your partner’s interest. Bring up the topic casually in conversation. You don’t have to put yourself 100% out there and say, “Hey, how do you feel about ball-gags and nipple clamps?”
Talk about it in context and observe your partner’s reactions. Chances are they’re already sending you cues in the bedroom. Pay attention and take mental notes. When you take that first step, you want to make sure you’re headed in the right direction.
Safer sex with safe words
You’re certainly asking, “When are we going to get to the fun part?” Don’t get your studded panties in a twist. We’ll get there soon enough, but there’s definitely some groundwork that needs to be laid before you are. (Your efforts will pay off. Trust us.)
When we talk about safer sex, we aren’t talking about contraceptives and disease prevention (although those are obviously an important part of any sex life). When we say safer sex, we’re talking about mentally safer sex.
Having a healthy relationship is all about respect and trust, and you need to carry those ideals into the bedroom with you, regardless of what you plan on doing once you get there.
For a lot of people, bondage games can push the boundaries of what they consider comfortable and normal. Hey, that’s what makes them fun! But there’s a difference between expanding your partner’s horizons and blatantly disregarding their mental well-being. Once trust is lost, it’s hard to get it back. So one of the best ways to arm yourself against awkward and potentially damaging situations is to choose a safe word.
Pick a word you wouldn’t normally say during sex. Michael and Jan from The Office used “foliage,” so you can feel free to steal that one. (Unless you commonly use the word “foliage” in the bedroom already. What kind of freaky stuff are you into?)
Make sure you’re both clear on your safe word, and know that any time one of you utters it in the bedroom it’s time to back off and regroup. Don’t make the mistake of diving in without a safe word!
Slow down and enjoy the view
You’re learning about bondage techniques, not training for the fetish Olympics. Slow down. Again, a key to making this a working part of your relationship is to maintain trust. If your partner feels pressured to try too much too soon, you’re going to freak them out and turn them off. Start by experimenting more with the power dynamics of bondage games than with any sensations of pain or discomfort.
A great way to do this is by using light restraints like pleasure tape. Lightly bind your partner (or have them bind you – obviously, roles can be reversed based on preference) at the wrists or ankles. Make sure you’ve left them an easy way to escape. It is important that your partner is restrained because they want to be, not because they feel they have no other choice.
Once your partner is bound, treat them to all their favorite favors. This would be a great time to use the Lelo Soraya for some extra oomph. Teasing your bound partner with a fun toy like the Lelo SIRI can be a stimulating way to break the bondage ice.
Once you’ve had your first light bondage session, back off. Go about your next few sex sessions in more familiar ways and let your partner be the one who suggests giving it another go. When you get the green light for round two, remember to go slow, and never forget your safe words.
Ready to Romp?
There you have it – your beginner’s guide to bondage. “But what am I supposed to do with all these leather harnesses and kinky bondage ropes?” you’re asking.
All in due time, my friend. This post is just the beginning in a series, so while we hope we’ve given you a lot to think about, there’s still more to come! Stay tuned, and in the meantime, why not have a poke around our bondage accessories page for even more ideas? With so many toys to choose from, you’re bound to find something you’ve always wanted – or something you never knew you wanted!
